Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i drank out of a bidet.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize