the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
