It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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