i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
