Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize