I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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