Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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