im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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