if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Green mimosas i think yes
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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