So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
