When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
