i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
