i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
