apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she peed on how many people?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
