Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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