Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
