She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
