i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
