WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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