could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
