Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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