the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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