It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Someone came in the potted fern
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
His nipple licking is glorious
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