I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
