I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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