I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
