Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
