how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize