But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
