we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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