I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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