hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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