you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
