Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
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