I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
