he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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