the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
