Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
