I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Two words: blizzard sex
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize