remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
