Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
