oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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