your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize