Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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