A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
