i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize