Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
