Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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