im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've blown a few things in my day
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
