Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
