Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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