it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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