Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
