Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
