There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
