I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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