My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
