Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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