Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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