at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize