That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize