I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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