Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
