I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
