I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
