Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
