I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
