i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
