So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
