i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
