My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There are leaves in my underwear?
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