Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
