you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
